Audio Archives
Description
A scant half-hour of outspoken spoken word and thrilling sound design, fiction/non-fiction, vintage/brand-new, voiced by a cast of thousands, produced by Dan Bernard and Michael Townsend
So far (and upcoming), listeners have heard (listed in reverse)
Offline 94 4/13/2022
Pink Ears by Murray Leinster, narrated by Dan Bernard and produced by Michael Townsend
Then a Bizarre rant by “Wee” plus the classic “Empty Mart” with Instant Comedy, written by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 92 3/30/2022
Asteroid Justice by V.E. Thiessen, performed and directed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 90 3/16/2022
Hour of Slack #1873, Hosted by Rev. Ivan Stang reading from The Dobbstown Mirror, edited for Offline by Michael Townsend
Offline 88 3/2/2022
Rocket Summer by Ray Bradbury, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 86 2/16/2022
Next Stop Nowhere written by Dick Purcell, performed by Julie Nye, directed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Faux commercials: “Bytch Beer,” “BP Black Gold Gems of the Sea” and “Kickbacker.com.”
Offline 84 1/26/2022
The Time Snatcher by Randall Garrett, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Automat Gat by Dan Bernard
Amy Winehouse for Offline written and performed by Julie Nye, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 83 1/12/2022
All Cats Are Grey by Andrew North, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Selling Point by Norman Arkawy, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 82 1/5/2022
Stop You’re Killing Me by Darius John Granger, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Morton Time Repair written, performed and produced by Dan Bernard
Offline 81 12/29/2021
The Fastest Gun Dead by Julian F. Grow, originally published in Worlds Of IF Science Fiction, March 1961. Performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Al Centauri’s Oxy-Maxi-Codone Vapor,, written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Gunco Gun Rights Insurance written, performed and produced by Dan Bernard
Offline 80 12/22/2021 (HOLIDAY EDITION!)
Christmas By Injunction by O. Henry, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Flea Schneider’s Christmas Card performed and produced by Dan Bernard
Offline 79 12/8/2021
Dalrymple’s Equation by Paul W. Fairman a noir sci-fi tale narrated and produced by Dan Bernard
The Wooden Indian and the Shaghorn Buffalo from Rootabaga Stories by Carl Sandburg, performed and produced by Dan Bernard
Offline 78 12/1/2021
You Don’t Walk Alone by Frank M. Robinson from the March 1955 edition of Imagination Stories of Science and Fantasy, performed by Dan Bernard and produced by Michael Townsend
Plus faux commercials: “BP’s Black Gold Gems of the Sea” written and produced by Dan Bernard and performed by Dick Dinman, and the original “Banker’s Life and Animosity.”
Offline 77 11/24/2021
Part 3 of a conversation with Dr. David Vaughan, a pioneer in developing large-scale 3D printed coral reef replacements, interviewed and produced by Dan Bernard.
Offline 76 11/17/2021
Part 2 of a conversation with Dr. David Vaughan, a pioneer in developing large-scale 3D printed coral reef replacements, interviewed and produced by Dan Bernard, co-produced by Michael Townsend.
Offline 75 11/10/2021
Part 1 of a conversation with Dr. David Vaughan, a pioneer in developing large-scale 3D printed coral reef replacements with concrete. Interviewed and produced by Dan Bernard.
Offline 74 11/3/2021
The Nothing Equation by Tom Godwin, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
AAA-AA written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
“The Diary Habit” by A.A. Milne, performed by Dan Bernard
Offline 73 10/27/2021
Part 5 (6?) of a conversation with Mike Langworthy conducted, edited and produced by Dan Bernard
Offline 72 10/20/2021
The Incredible Life-Form by Winston K. Marks, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Fauci Begathon Pitch written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Artistic Murders Misfire, a True Crime Fact Short by Mat Rand, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 71 10/13/2021
The Invisible Enemy by Arnold Castle, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Artistic Murders Misfire, a True Crime Fact Short by Mat Rand, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 70 10/06/2021
Offline 69 09/29/2021
Offline 68 9/22/2021
Offline 67 9/22/2021
Morton Time Repair written, performed and produced by Dan Bernard
The Fugitives by Malcolm B. Morehart, Jr., performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Amy Winehouse for Offline written and performed by Julie Nye, produced by Michael Townsend
ACAB Ale written, produced and performed by Dan Bernard
Institute For Free-Floating Anxiety by Dan Bernard, with Instant Comedy, produced by Michael Townsend
Quazax 9 written by Dan Bernard, performed by Hilary Aptowitz and Tom Walsh, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 66 9/15/2021
Traitor Joe’s written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
A Dinner Date With Murder by Harry Stein, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Flimbreeze written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Aubible written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Jabberwock Beware by Richard A Sternbach, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
“Dori-Ann Gray” faux commercial written and produced by Dan Bernard, performed by Rebecca Haugh
Offline 65 9/8/2021
Wrestling George Costanza by Josh Gondleman, performed by Brent Askari, directed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Feminism For Sale by Laurie Penny, directed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 64 9/1/2021
Flea Schneider For Offline written, performed and produced by Dan Bernard
Outcast of the Stars by Robert Silverberg, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Quazax 9 written by Dan Bernard, performed by Hilary Aptowitz and Tom Walsh, produced by Michael Townsend
Amy Winehouse for Offline written and performed by Julie Nye, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 63 8/25/2021
The Search For bin Laden! written by Dan Bernard, performed by Instant Comedy, produced by Jim Hall and Michael Townsend
Offline 62 8/18/2021
The Spoiler Network written, performed and produced by Dan Bernard
Death Is Deaf from Hooded Detective Magazine Vol. 3 No. 2 January 1942, written by Cliff Campbell, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Seditionists 2 written, performed and produced by Dan Bernard
Octophonic Sound written by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 61 8/11/2021
A Burlesque Biography from “The $30,000 Bequest” by Mark Twain, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
“Bytch Beer” written by Dan Bernard, performed my Lisa, produced by Michael Townsend
The Five Boons of Life by Mark Twain, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Gunco written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
The Danger of Lying In Bed by Mark Twain, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 60 8/4/2021
Come Into My Brain by Alexander Blade, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Ford Sativa bumper written, performed and produced by Dan Bernard
Seditionists written, performed and produced by Dan Bernard
Church of Facebook written, performed and produced by Dan Bernard
Offline 59 7/28/2021
Santa Cruz written and performed by Tony Moschetto, produced by Michael Townsend
Kia Dink written by Dan Bernard, performed by Hilary Aptowitz and Tom Walsh, produced by Michael Townsend
Head On Fire written and performed by Tony Moschetto, produced by Michael Townsend
Quazax 9 written by Dan Bernard, performed by Hilary Aptowitz and Tom Walsh, produced by Michael Townsend
Standup Excerpt written and performed by Tony Moschetto
Hoarders written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Jackie Hancock Life Insurance ’21 written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Part 6 of a conversation with Mike Langworthy conducted, edited and produced by Dan Bernard with post-production by Michael Townsend
Offline 58 7/21/2021
Tony and The Beetles by Philip K. Dick, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 57 7/14/2021
A Hitch in Space by Fritz Leiber, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Traitor Joe’s written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Rudy Glutiani’s written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
AAA AA written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Begathon Fall Teaser edited and produced by Michael Townsend
Net Worth and Spandex
Twisted Televangelist written and performed by Cloud Morris, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 56 7/7/2021
Defense Mech by Ray Bradbury, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 55 6/30/2021
Overlord of Colony Eight by Robert Silverberg, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Flimbreeze written by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 54 6/23/2021
The Gun by Philip K. Dick, performed by Cloud Morris, produced by Dan Bernard and Michael Townsend
Offline 53 6/16/2021
Club 86 Intro written and directed by Mike Langworthy, voiced by Miles Hatch, Mike Langworthy and Michelle Bathers, editing and sound design by Michael Townsend
Part 5 of a conversation with Mike Langworthy conducted, edited and produced by Dan Bernard with post-production by Michael Townsend
Offline 52 6/9/2021
More conversation with Mike Langworthy Part 4 conducted, edited and produced by Dan Bernard with post-production by Michael Townsend
Aubible written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Nazicodone written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 51 6/2/2021
A conversation with Mike Langworthy Part 3 conducted, edited and produced by Dan Bernard with post-production by Michael Townsend
Offline 50 5/26/2021
A Figment of an Overactive Imagination written by Dave Wade, performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend, by The Modern Jazz Quartet
An Interview with Mike Langworthy part 2 conducted, edited and produced by Dan Bernard
Offline 49 5/19/2021
An Interview with Mike Langworthy conducted, edited and produced by Dan Bernard
Offline 48 5/12/2021
Transience Book ii Chapter 15 & 16 written by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
The Warped Book by ‘Shecki’ (artificial intelligence), produced by Dan Bernard
Transience Book ii Chapter 17 & 18 written by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
WMPG Donation with ‘Jerry Musk,’ written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 47 5/5/2021
Transience Book ii Chapter 12 written by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
AAA AA written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Transience Book ii Chapters 13 and 14 written by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Bully Ale written by Dan Bernard, performed by Chris Darling, produced by Michael Townsend
Guns For Gold written, produced and performed by Dan Bernard
Offline 46 4/28/2021
Phaser Dating written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
The Big Trip Up Yonder by Kurt Vonnegut Jr., performed by Cloud Morris, directed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
A message from our sponsors: Ikea Computers, The Miss Alternate Universe Competition and UPS written, performed and produced by Dan Bernard
Quazax 9 written and produced by Dan Bernard, featuring Hilary Aptowitz and Tom Walsh
Offline 45 4/21/2021
Transience Book ii Chapter 9 written by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Pretentio’s written, voiced and directed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend and Dan Bernard
Transience Book ii Chapter 10 written by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Two Cowardly Uncles to the Beat, a short story by ‘Shecki’ generated by artificial intelligence, narrated and produced by Dan Bernard
Welcome Home To written and voiced by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Transience Book ii Chapter 11 written by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 44 4/14/2021
Transience Book ii Chapter 6 written by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
ACAB Ale written, produced and performed by Dan Bernard
Transience Book ii Chapter 7 written by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
For The Drugs performed by Chip Edgar, written and directed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Transience Book ii Chapter 8 written by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Irrational Jack’s Used Lot written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
WMPG ID voiced by Mark Honan, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 43 4/7/2021
Zero Hour by Ray Bradbury, performed by Julie Nye, directed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
whatevah performed by Julie Nye, produced by Michael Townsend
Rex Toothacher’s Exurban Race Track written, performed and produced by Dan Bernard
Jackie Hancock Life Insurance ’21 written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 42 3/31/2021
Transience Book ii Chapter 5 written by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
A Planet Named Joe Part 2 by S.A. Lombino (a.k.a Ed McBain), performed by Cloud Morris with Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 41 3/24/2021
Transience Book ii Chapter 4 written by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Squonk Cigarettes written and produced by Dan Bernard
A Planet Named Joe Part 1 by S.A. Lombino (a.k.a Ed McBain), performed by Cloud Morris with Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Octophonic Sound written by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 40 3/17/2021
Fauci Begathon Pitch written and performed by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Transience Book ii Chapters 1, 2 & 3 written by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
In between, faux commercials: Quazax 9 written and produced by Dan Bernard, featuring Hilary Aptowitz and Tom Walsh; Jeff Bezos and Tony Fauci for Spring ’21 Begathon by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend; Preacher for Begathon Is Coming by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 39 3/10/2021
Transience Book i Chapter 15 cont. and Chapter 16 by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
A Little Journey by Ray Bradbury, performed by Krista Simonis, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 38 3/3/2021
Transience Book i Chapters 13, 14 and some of 15 by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
“Dori-Ann Gray” faux commercial written and produced by Dan Bernard, performed by Rebecca Haugh
The Skyscraper Who Decided To Have a Child from Rootabaga Stories by Carl Sandburg, read and produced by Dan Bernard
“Gunco” faux commercial written and produced by Dan Bernard
Offline 37 2/24/2021
Transience Book i Chapters 10, 11 and 12 by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Business As Usual: Jackie Hancock Life Insurance; Empty Mart; Fantarona; Bankers Life and Animosity written by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
The Wooden Indian and the Shaghorn from Rootabaga Stories by Carl Sandburg, read and produced by Dan Bernard
Offline 36 2/17/2021
Transience Book i Chapters 8 and 9 by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Wal-Mart Trailer by Dan Bernard, featuring Moira Driscoll, produced by Michael Townsend
An Interview with Cloud Morris produced by Dan Bernard
Offline 35 2/10/2021
Transience Book i Chapter 7 by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Amy Winehouse Offline Promo by Julie Nye, produced by Michael Townsend
A Bad Day For Sales by Fritz Leiber, produced by Michael Townsend
Behind The Monkees by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Jeff Bezos and Tony Fauci for Spring ’21 Begathon by Dan Bernard, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 34 2/3
Transience Part 3 (Book i Ch. 3-6) by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Comedy Commercials: “Cash For Kidneys”; “Gold For Guns” by Dan Bernard, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 33 1/27/2021
X Marks the Pedwalk by Fritz Leiber, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Transience Part 2 (Book i Ch. 1 and 2) by Kenneth W. Beek, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 32 1/20/2021
2BR02B by Kurt Vonnegut Jr., read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Transience Part 1 by Chris Busby, read by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
SEASON ONE
produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 31 1/13/2021
Windsong Part 2 by Rose Wilson
Institute For Free-Floating Anxiety by Dan Bernard, produced by Michael Townsend
Offline 30 1/6/2021
Windsong Part 1 by Rose Wilson
Gaia Diet by Dan Bernard
Offline 29 12/30/2020
I Saw My Roommate Having Sex in a Cage by Kate Greathead
How I Struck Gold by Quinn Davis
Musicophelia by Michael Townsend
Offline 28 12/23/2020
The Popstar by Jia Tolentino
Happy Xmas (Deliveries Are Over) from BBC 1951 Newsreel
Offline 27 – 12/16/2020
Deconstructing The Shoe by Michelle Quick
The Broadcaster’s Son by Jay Pritchard
Offline 26 – 12/2/2020
Thought For Food by Alex Taylor
Gender and My Husband’s Stupid Record Collection by Sarah O’Holla
What Vanishes by Barney Norris
Offline 25 – 11/25/2020
Both Here and There by Alice Mishkin
Shade of Gary by Matthew David Brozik
Offline 24 – 11/18/2020
The Island by Erika Jost
Information Overload by Lavinia Plonka
Offline 23 – 11/11/2020
Garbage Like Us by Melissa Bachelor Warnke
How to Kill a by Alex Ruczaj
Offline 22 – 11/4/2020
A Feature As Certain As Sunrise by Lauren Trimble
Macbethfest 2013 by Luke Burns
Offline 21 – 10/28/2020
A Single Painted Knot by Mariel Capanna
The Wisdom of Crowds by Rob Boffard
BONUS TRACK: “I’m Just A Vote” (PSA) by Dan Bernard
Offline 20 – 10/21/2020
In Defense of YA by Mickenzie Fasteland
Mongolian Gothic by Leah Wawro
Offline 19 – 10/14/2020
The Parasite That Grew Bigger Than The Animal by John R. Gordon
BONUS TRACK: Jackie Hancock Life Insurance by Dan Bernard
Offline 18 – 10/7/2020
Eating On The Go by Miriam Nice
Building The Future by Neal Schaffer
I’m The CEO? by Sally Carson
Offline 17 – 9/30/2020
Small-Town Aquarium Tells It Like It Is by Anna Drezen
Borges and the other Buenos Aires by Matthew Bremner
Offline 16 – 9/23/2020
The Shell by Vivien Graveson
The Bare Utensils by Miriam Nice
Offline 15 – 9/16/2020
Unfolding by Sierra Bellows
Beijing of Blues by Sara Schaff
Offline 14 – 9/9/2020
On Others by Cecilia Ekback
Skyping with David Lynch by David Griffith
Offline 13 – 9/2/2020
Rutgers Girl: Naked In Italy by Robert Kaplow
BONUS TRACK: Emptymart by Dan Bernard
Offline 12 – 8/26/2020
Prickwillow by Mary Chamberlain
I Know This Sounds Corny, But You’ve Been A Really Great Roommate To Steal From by Lane Moore
Offline 11 – 8/19/2020
What’s With All the Padlocks? by Justin Valmassoi
BONUS TRACK: Boomerite 9 by Dan Bernard
Offline 10 – 8/12/2020
At The Peace by Catherine Calabro
Marketing Is Bullshit by BJ Mendelson
Offline 9 – 7/29/2020
Of Cockfights and Adobo by Bianca Garcia
Father by Dave Lucas
Offline 8 – 7/22/2020
The Chickens Of Instagram by Erin Mann
Press Any Key For Love by Benjamin Mann
Offline 7 – 7/15/2020
Excerpts from The Boss by Victoria Chang
Surfacing by John Casteen
Offline 6 – 7/08/2020
Jane Doe by Laura McClellan
The King of Michigan by Michael Zack
Offline 5 – 7/01/2020
: No Longer A Town by Jenny Shank
Offline 4 – 6/24/2020
The Dead Kid by Melissa Bachelor Warnke
Variant Text by Kat Howard
Offline 3 – 6/17/2020
If I Ever Meet You by Danny Wallace
The League That Ate Itself by John Pritchard
Offline 2 – 6/10/2020
Prefatory Remarks by Teddy Wayne
The Limits of Empathy by Jack Cheng
Offline 1 – 6/03/2020
Wrestling George Costanza by Josh Gondleman
Feminism For Sale by Laurie Penny
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